Life IS a miracle!

We hear the term "miracle" used in a variety of contexts, mostly religious, spiritual or new thought. We often think of "miracles" as the "impossible" or the "unbelievable" or extremely "unlikely". But I believe and know, that when one is truly present, when we are free of (or can see between the cracks of) the layers of protection and numbness that's accumulated since we were children, that miracles exist all day, every day, and that true perception includes the awareness and experience of the miraculous with every breath, and every step, in every moment.

In the last year or two something unexpected has happened to me. A change in my awareness, in the way that I perceive and experience my life has been consistently and sometimes not so subtly unfolding. Most of it is based on (and seems to get amplified in) my experience of the Natural World or Nature. I just read today that Eckhart Tolle often says that "nature is a portal to presence". I couldn't agree more!!! I feel like I'm learning to experience life, my environment, nature, with an added "sense" that I haven't had before. A sense that has more to do with being in intimate relationship with the larger natural world and Universe. It sometimes feels like a kind of "download" from a greater reality. A download that can't really be perceived by the mind, but instead experienced by my entire being in way that my mind isn't capable of comprehending. It's like a full body, full sensory state of being that includes my mind but is centered in my heart or my soul. The experience is not linear or dualistic, and it's not thought driven or rationally explainable.

What I'm trying to convey cannot be created by the mind and cannot take place while the mind is operating in a "thinking" and "reasoning" capacity. So being able to calm or bypass the mind is a valuable tool. Meditation and Nature can help with this a great deal. I'm not new to this path. For several decades I've been exploring various tools, resources and practices to clear my self of old "baggage", connect to my essential self and get "present". Nature is a living, thriving energy with "no mind", purely essence and expression of presence. And when I'm in nature, especially some place that I love, it's easier for me sense to what degree I am being present and then use my mind (and heart and body) to help me evaluate and release what is keeping me from being more fully present. I KNOW what it feels like to be fully present in nature, therefore I can tell when I'm not. And when I'm not, there's always some thought, feeling, obstacle, unclarity, blocked emotion, limiting thought, perception or fear, that is keeping me from a full experience of the present moment.

I've always had a strong bond and appreciation for nature's beauty, peace and healing powers. But these new experiences are so much more than this. It's as if a veil of numbness or blindness is being lifted and I'm becoming more aware of how amazing and unexplainable "existence" is. My initial openings seemed to be connected to the sun and clouds. I literally felt called to the sunsets, to go to the oceans edge and gaze at the sun quietly with my full attention. At first it was surprising. I'd be driving and look over at the sunset and then I'd look again, and there it was, the sun was "calling" me. I felt like it was actually "seeing" me. There was mutual recognition (as crazy as that may sound). It totally felt like it was reaching out to me, giving me energy and nurturance and even imparting some kind of non-linear, non-mind information. Then the clouds started to seem so much more rich and full and "present" as well. I could perceive and experience their form and mass in a total way, like I was having a physical experience in my body of the clouds size, density and movement. They started to become "alive" and again, like the sun . . . communicative in a way that I had never experienced before. In placing my full attention on all the layers of clouds in the sky and watch their movements in various directions at once and dissolving and manifesting I felt like I was learning something unexplainable. Like I was resetting my perception to include all directions at once with multiple layers and depth, comparing it to linear and dualistic perception is like watching black & white television rather than looking out at real life. I started going to the beach about a half hour before the sunset. My excitement began to build. I realized that sometimes it took me a while to let go of my more limited reality and experience the larger, "real" world I had just discovered. So, I started heading to the beach about an hour or more before the sunset, then started lingering longer afterwards into the dark night sky and stars and moon. Then I started doing it in the mornings as well. I wake up between 4:30 and 5:30 everyday and prepare for my morning encounter with the miraculous. Now I spend 2 - 3 hours a day sitting at the oceans edge, sometimes in meditation and sometimes just being present with all that I see and feel.

Obviously you don't need to live near the ocean to do this. Just to be somewhere in nature that makes you feel good and connected will do. The stronger the integrity and presence of nature the easier it is to connect. The Natural World is the most true and essential manifestation of life. From a place of presence in your being you will experience it as a miracle. From a present place within you feel the wind against your skin, or the ocean rising and falling, the earth or sand beneath your feet and the life giving energy of the sun (from 93 million miles away), all completely different elements unifying together to create "life". It IS absolutely amazing. When you become truly present everything becomes a miracle. Life is an amazing experience of movement and stillness and color and sound and form and space in a way that is truly beyond comprehension. Our breath, our hearts beating, our awareness of self and others . . . all feel miraculous when experienced free of all the thoughts, distractions, resistances and attachments. I know, it's one thing to read about it and think about, but to "drop into" the experience with your self is totally and completely awe-inspiring and life altering.

I found that my expectations and desire for this experience were actually in the way of my having one. That there was no way to "create" the experience myself or control it in any way. The only thing that would help was to be present in as deep a way possible with my Self. To really "be" with my Self. Sometimes I'd have to release the stress I was holding by acknowledging to myself that I was holding it and letting myself feel it and dissolve it. Sometimes, I'd have to be aware that my mind was just "running" me with thoughts and ideas. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, whatever. "I" was too identified with my thoughts, my day, my interpretation of people and events. Even after removing layers and layers of "stuff" I'd have to surrender to the experience of what "is". Full surrender into the moment unconditionally without any expectation or desire. Not an easy task sometimes. Sometimes I'd sit there for two hours and just "drop-in" the last 10 minutes. Sometimes not at all. And sometimes I'd be able to let go and really show up almost immediately. Certainly years of practice of various forms of self discovery and emotional processing help to work with and dissolve layers of thought or feeling that is old and keeps me from being in the moment. AND I really think that there has been a major shift in what's available to us these last few years. I really feel that the present experience of the Universe or God is more accessible, tangible and present than ever before. I've heard it said that what was once available only to a select few is now available and WILL be experienced by everyone. Or . . . perhaps I'm just losing my mind? I love the phrase about losing your mind and coming to your senses. Or references to "unreasonable happiness". It touches upon the unexplainable brilliance of the present moment.

We are raised in this culture to experience life with our minds. To make comparisons and judgements and think in a linear, logical and dualistic fashion. We learned to separate, categorize, isolate and protect. I think it's essential that we grow beyond that old paradigm of reasoning. I think it's a paradigm that isn't useful any more. Victorian concepts of society, psychology and value are only a couple hundred years old. We barely discovered electricity a few seconds ago and for some reason we think we know about life and existence. It's what we think we know that keeps us from being in the present moment. We think that because we can name "water" and know a few things about it that it is something that we understand. Or gravity, or even the seed of life. Just because we can manipulate things we try and take credit for creating them. When you look at the world, the solar system, the sun, planets moving through space with clear eyes, with eyes of innocence and presence, then none of it makes sense. It's all beautiful wonderment. None of the things that we take for granted every day of our lives makes any real sense at all. But we accept it (or live in denial of the fact that it doesn't really make sense) and go about trying to do things that we CAN control and that do make sense. But for me, I think that "unknowing" is where it's at. Maybe that's just because I'm an artist, but I don't think so. I think we can all benefit from asking ourselves . . . what do we really know?

Here we are in bodies that last for a duration of many decades that grow from a small cell into full adults. We live on a large ball that we perceive as flat that is turning at about a 1,000 miles per hour while moving through space at over 67,000 miles per hour revolving around a sun that is also moving at over a half million miles per hour around the Milky Way Galaxy which takes over 200 million years to accomplish. But we don't really perceive any of this. We drive in our cars, go to work, movies, think about our careers and relationships, what's for dinner, etc. We think it's all important stuff. And we think we know a lot about life and living etc. What I find helps me to get present is to think about the larger picture. To think about and practice true perception and awareness of what "reality" really is. What truly exists in this moment. And as a musician I am always listening. I'm listening to the sound of the moment. The voice of life that pulsates and cries out in creative presence every second. We are alive and live in this unexplainable manifestation of the creative expression of the Universe (of God). We are a manifestation of the creative expression of the Universe (of God). There's nothing casual, normal, rational or understandable about it. Really . . . . there isn't.

Yes, life IS a miracle.

Creativity: Inspiration or Emptiness?

Strange title, I'll admit. But I wanted to talk about one of my favorite subjects . . . Creative Process. I think it's safe to say that many artists get caught up in the idea of being "creative". The idea that we have to "do" something to access our creativity, or we have to "be" something or "try" to be creative. It's an easy trap to fall into.

In my experience, true creativity is more of a result of "undoing" rather than doing.
"True" creativity comes, initially, from an empty place or a void. I don't mean "emptiness" like something that is lacking. I'm talking more about a womb or fertile place. An undefined place of "possibility". I don't really think there is an accurate word for it because it is a place that exists prior to any kind of definition. It exists prior to any kind of creativity. I think the best way is to describe it as some kind of Void. However the void, in and of itself, is no more than an Invitation for creativity.

I learned a long time ago that, in performance, if I'm not having an experience, then the audience isn't either. So, how does one "plan" on spontaneously having an inspired experience? In the mid-1980's I used to do a 3 day water fast before every one of my larger concerts. And during those 3 days I'd do lots of meditating, Tai Chi and centering before each show and then I'd do the concert while fasting. I wanted to be a clear channel for as much energy from the Universe to pour through me, into my piano and out to the audience as possible. But I quickly got tired of all the "prep" work and decided that I didn't want such a huge distinction between my more "ordinary" daily life and my "special" creative life. I was tiring of the distinction between the sacred and the mundane and realized that it was separation that I was creating and that it really wasn't necessary or even a true reality.

After many years of "working on it" through various techniques, therapies and practices I feel that I've, to a large degree, integrated my creative life into my entire life and at this point my music grows as I grow, whether it's me doing the dishes or laundry; walking on the beach, writing a blog or recording in my studio. I'm almost always involved in my creative process. My life IS my practice. I DO still have certain activities or practices that I feel nurture my more "expanded" or "spiritual" self more than other activities, but they are more like reminders throughout my day rather than a real departure from my normal routine. Some of the practices are ones of re-membrance that I can do during any other activity I'm involved with and other practices are more involved like my yoga practice or my love for sitting and seriously focusing on the sunset for an hour or two. Basically, it's all about "emptying". Stripping down the layers of thought, identity, desire, expectation and judgement until what's eventually left is just "being". Just "listening". And when we get to a place of truly being able to "listen" (because we're not filled up with all our thoughts and ideas of what things should look and feel like) then, finally . . . we've just sent an Invitation out to the Universe. In fact, the Universe (or God) is always seeking us. We just need to learn how to listen and allow access. Actually, recently I'm also noticing that there is a way of "seeing" that is very powerful as well and completely aligned with what I'm talking about regarding "listening".

In my experience, the Universe, God, the Creator, the All that IS, loves to fill us with it's energy. It can't help but to fill up a Void. We're usually generating so much of our own thoughts, concerns, expectations, desires and judgements that there's literally NO room for divine inspiration. I'm serious. True creativity only comes when a welcoming (open, empty, void) space is created. However, emptying ourselves of all that "extra" stuff that we usually think IS "us", is often challenging and sometimes confronting. Sometimes in stripping away the layers we need to let go certain believes or associations that we've taken comfort in for a long time. These are both positive AND negative identifications. Sometimes we need to feel things we'd rather avoid, like sadness, loss or fear of various kinds. These things take up our inner "space or Void" and interfere with truly being "present". But after we feel and release the concepts, wounds or pain that occupy our inner sanctum, the Universe rushes in and fills us with it's energy. That's why we feel so good after some kind of emotional or cathartic release.

And when I come to the piano to play, perform, write or record, I try and empty myself first, then I play a note or a short phrase that is an expression of how I really feel at that moment. If I feel good, then I play "I feel good". If I feel nervous and insecure then I play "nervous and insecure". And then I listen to what I just played and then I respond to that in an honest, whole hearted way with another musical phrase. Then I listen to that and so on. I never try to mislead or lie to my piano or to my audience. I always start exactly where I really am. If I don't play from where I really am then how can I be present? If I'm pretending to feel good and confident when I'm not, then I'm deceiving my audience and not being honest with my self or my instrument. I'm not aligning my Self with what IS. If I DO start from and express from where I am, for better or worse, then I know it'll change. The "moment" always transforms into something else. It never stays the same. If I'm honest and expressing mySelf truthfully then I can align mySelf and music with the present moment. It feels literally like dropping into "the moment". And in the present moment there's all the energy and all the creativity of the entire Universe. It's like being swept away by a huge current that I can only keep up with if I continue to stay present and not think about it, not define it or categorize it in any way. And that's always so much more interesting and moving than what I could ever bring to the table on my own.

And don't forget, a key element to any relationship with the Universe/God or one's creative muse, is a healthy dose of humility and an awareness that this all really IS a mystery . . . a miracle that will never really be understood by our rational minds through words and explanations. There's so much more to this way of approaching life and creativity. I'm writing a book to discuss the process and journey in much more detail and to provide tangible exercises to facilitate an experience of what I'm talking about. But for now, this is just a little blog to share some of my thoughts. Please feel free to comment or ask questions. This is one of my favorite subjects. Thanks for reading!!